When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!
But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.
No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.
So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.
And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.
I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.
But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?
Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?
And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.
So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.
For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.
So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.
And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.
In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!
All my life whenever the word Anarchy or Anarchist was brought up in conversation or song lyrics I was always lead to believe that it was a horrible thing and led so far as to believe that it could be construed as treason. As I have grown older and become more and more aware of the world and life in general I will be the first to say that this is simply not the truth.
Merriam Webster.com defines Anarchy as follows:
Main Entry: an·ar·chy
Pronunciation: \ˈa-nər-kē, -ˌnär-\
Etymology: Medieval Latin anarchia, from Greek, from anarchos having no ruler, from an- + archos ruler
1 a: absence of government b: a state of lawlessness or political disorder due to the absence of governmental authority c: a utopian society of individuals who enjoy complete freedom without government 2 a: absence or denial of any authority or established order b: absence of order :
Now, by this definition and following with the Greek root from which it was attained there is no reason for me to any longer deny what I truly am for fear of being a traitor...I am an Anarchist, and I think if more people were aware of the true meaning and root of the word they would begin to see that Democracy was probably established by our founding fathers with a dash of Anarchy intended. They understood that we are not meant to be ruled, that is why we broke from England and the persecution of our religious freedoms, that is why we fought a war to become independent from the ruler(s) that told us what we could and could not do...is any of this making sense to anyone yet? Are you picking up what I am putting down?
I believe in the human spirit, the ability of people to form intelligent thought and to have an instinctual ability to discern of right from wrong. We are human and we all make mistakes but we are intelligent beings and hopefully we all learn from whatever mistakes we make but when the corruption of power, greed and capitalism leads a once great nation, my nation of America, to the point where I cannot pursue happiness, which is not meant to be interpreted by anyone other than me, you are damn right I am an Anarchist.
I am fully in protest of the lies, greed, deceit, and corruption that has come to be known as the US Government. The corruption runs from the lowliest of city and township elected officials all the way up to the guy that occupies the big white house in D.C.
Who is my ruler?, not Barack Obama, not the farce that has come to be known as Congress or Senate, and certainly not the ridiculous laws that these corrupt men tell me I have to follow. No one owns me or will ever tell me what to do again...I chose Anarchy, I chose the human spirit, and I chose freedom.
I believe the Constitution of this great land that was written by our forefathers was intended for us to govern ourselves through faith in the human spirit, not what we live in today, not to be governed by the upper one percent and told what we must or must not do. I say no longer is this acceptable.
When men and women who are the police for these corrupt ideals begin to think that they can do whatever they want( see my video on the "Jeremy Fink...Unfiltered" Facebook page of the police officer punching a 17 year old girl in the face) and have the backing of their municipalities afterwards, when there is upwards of 70 million gallons of oil floating around in our ocean killing every living thing in its path and disrupting a ecosystem that gives us all life, when a government tells me that it is ok to spend 15 billion dollars a year to persecute and imprison people who choose to use a substance which is substantially safer than alcohol or tobacco,( yes, I am speaking of cannabis) You are goddamn right I am an Anarchist...I have faith in what I know to be right, I have faith in the Constitution as it was intended and I have faith in the human spirit...
Until shit changes drastically this is what I have to say to the Government on all levels and all aspects...
Anyone who knows me knows that I am weird...that is to say I have always marched to the beat of a different drummer. I have always lived my life the way I wanted to and that hasn't always agreed with everyone involved in my life and probably still doesn't. It has provided me with legal issues and hindered my ability to do many of the things I truly desire in this world.
I do not however let it get me down anymore...
I was severely depressed for many years and turned to alcohol as a way to cope with what life was dealing me. Along the way there were failed relationships, stints in jail, a felony conviction, the loss of a marriage, and numerous other things. Some folks figured just because I chose a path in life that I needed to take that I was trash or a loser...not so. I have always been a thinker, a scholar, a learner. I have always had an insatiable appetite for knowledge and a heart of gold. I have been seeking answers my whole life and just recently I have begun to find them...
This past month has been a whirlwind of emotion, life lessons, deep thought, and hard work. Trying to keep myself from falling back into the abyss that I was so helplessly trapped in for so many years...trying to continue on the path of less resistance that society says is the way we Americans do things. Well, in the past month I have figured out I am not part of the norm and I beg to differ with society...especially American society as we know it today.
What I am about to say will probably warrant me being affixed with many negative labels... I am used to this however, it is the American way for us to judge others and look down upon those with whom we don't agree, and part of that judgment is labeling people, for the most part unjustly, I have been called Liberal, Leftist, Anarchist, Stoner, Druggie, Addict, Alcoholic, Communist, Abuser, Convict, Felon, Criminal, just to name a few of the more negative things associated with my name. Most of these labels were given to me by people who have no real understanding of me as a person, the sum total of my life to this point, or anything about me in general.
The people who do know me and have been a part of my WHOLE life...friends, family, the people who matter label me in a totally different way...Unique, talented, genius, good-hearted, well intentioned, knowledgeable, kind, considerate, hilarious, witty, just to name a few.
My question is this: Why such contrast in opinion between society in general and those who truly know me?
Because society judges based on fragments and juicy details...personal business taken out of context if you will. Those we love judge on the total of what my life is and is dedicated to. They judge on the things they know I am capable of and the things that I do well. They judge with their hearts, memories, and experiences as a whole while society disregards any and all good deed in the light of a mistake.
There was this guy who once said: "To err is human..." meaning we all fuck up from time to time, some of us more than others, some of us more severely than others, but we all do it. I add to that concept...that not only do we all fuck up but our mistakes do not define us as people, we all are constantly changing and evolving, that is human nature at its most simple definition...we change.
I watched the movie "Avatar" this week finally and I truly do see the message in it and why I was so drawn to it. It completely mirrors what is wrong in this country...Money drives people to evil...period and if we go to a simpler time or a simpler civilization of educated people; they most likely would want nothing to do with our technology and way of life that is centered on capitalism and the so called "American Dream".
When do we quit worrying about being number one and who's dick is bigger and take into consideration what is best for mankind as a species and for the Earth that gives us all life and not what is convenient or easier, not what will make the most money or give one country the edge over another...We are a living entity on this big ball of life, just like any other species that we have been responsible for eradicating off the globe...No one is above Mother Nature and the sooner we realize that the better off stuff will get on this big fucked up planet we call home.
You have your religious zealots who shove religion and beliefs down our throats every day, they mold society and tell us what is right and wrong, but I say who needs that...I can think for myself and I believe that each human being on this planet is pre-programmed as to what is right and wrong...that is what we refer to as a soul ladies and gentlemen, the thing all these religious sects tell you that they can help you save.
When was the last time you did something you wanted truly wanted to do with no regard to the legality or social viewpoint? Because let me tell you something folks...to do that is the definition of freedom as I know it. It is doing what I believe in for myself no matter what ANY FUCKING ONE says...government, judge, parent, ANYONE.
Does that make me an anarchist, a communist, a liberal? If so, fine, I can accept the labels. What I can't accept is the political runaround and focus on greed and money that is destroying this planet and our civilization and the Bi-Partisan garbage that is spewed each and every day in our so called democracy. This country hasn't been a democracy for as long as I can remember and much longer. Money drives the American Dream which in turn is killing our planet.
You want to know what I believe; you want to know my religion or belief on it all?
I believe we are a pattern, nothing more...A reoccurring pattern in this thing we know as life and "God" as we refer to it is the life force of this planet of which we are all connected to and intertwined with. We are all part of something so much larger than ourselves we cannot even comprehend it...God is the life force of this planet and we are killing that.
Just one example of the way America distracts us from the destruction that goes on worldwide. Remember the animated movie "Madagascar". You probably remember the funny voice over's done by Ben Stiller and others of the animals contained in a zoo. What else do you know about Madagascar, the country? Anything?
Madagascar is an island off the southeastern coast of Africa and the fourth largest island in the world. 5 % of ALL species of life on the planet are located on this island and of that 80% is found ONLY in Madagascar. There are plants, trees, insects, amphibians, primates, mammals, fish, and an untold amount of undiscovered species that are only found on this island. Cures and treatments for cancer, Alzheimer's, AIDS, have all been found from a variety of flora and fauna that are found nowhere else in the world except for the rain forests in Madagascar of which over 75% percent have been destroyed through a deforestation method known as "Slash & Burn" that the inhabitants resort to so as to farm rice paddies and produce charcoal, the top two occupations of the natives there.
Two thirds of the population of Madagascar lives below the national poverty level of $1.25 a day and due to this the people destroy their own lands to merely survive. They have been exploited by mining companies and other big business to the point of no return. They are destroying an area in this world that may hold answers we will need in the future, answers and organisms we aren't even aware we need yet...all because someone, somewhere wants to line his pockets in the here and now.
Does the fact that I am concerned about the greater good of this planet, not just America make me a socialist or a communist or some other notion of bullshit political label?
No...it doesn't.What it makes me is a responsible human being who is sick of lines being drawn in the sand by America and its bullshit "conquer all" attitude. America's, money before everything, attitude really needs to be put in check and the only way that can happen is to move past the prison walls of judgment and religious differences and be intelligent...Seek the answers and ask the questions that no one is willing to...that is freedom and that is where greatness and enlightenment will embrace you.
Believe that we are all part of a bigger picture...Life
In the words of my father: "We can't kill the Earth, it will kill us first".
Look for more comment on this topic in the future...It is up to us to be educated and see the bigger picture and I will do all in my power to try and make that a reality.
I was checking Facebook today when I woke up and read a wonderful post from NORML. I just wanted to pass along the sentiment...
On this National day of recognition, 4-20, among those of us who are referred to as the counterculture of this nation, please remember to not only celebrate the wonderful gift of cannabis but to take the time and look around you at the people who call us the counterculture and inform and educate them to the benefits of cannabis, not only medicinally, but spiritually as well.
It is our responsibility today to approach those we know who are "not cool" and let them into our world and be messengers and missionaries of the cause, if you will.
Happy 420 everyone!!!
P.S. Don't forget to give back to Mother Earth on Thursday...it is her day that day!
Recently I wrote to my local State Senator and State Representative regarding HB1393 also known as "The compassionate use of marijuana act" that is currently being reviewed by the state health and human services committee. I asked each of them where they stood on the issue and to please explain briefly why they held the position that they do.
Dave Reed simply responded to me via email with a resounding "Opposed" and did not offer any further comment on the matter which in my book means he is either under informed or close minded to the issue at hand.
Sen. Don White responded to me on some beautiful letterhead (which made me wonder if he pays for that out of pocket, or if we taxpayers do) and addressed the issue of marijuana legalization, not HB 1393. He said that he was opposed to marijuana legalization and as far as medicinal marijuana use was concerned he felt it should be left to the Feds instead of our state government.
Just a quick lesson in government for those of you who may not know...The Constitution of the United States guarantees that state rights hold precedent over Federal law...In other words, it is the states who must pass the laws they see fit for their citizens, not the Feds. The founding fathers did that to protect us from "Big Brother".
Folks, these are our elected representatives and they seem to either be so hard set against the compassionate use for marijuana by sick individuals, or so misinformed on the issue that they don't know how to respond.
Now I am used to politicians blowing smoke up all of our asses, that is what they do. In this time of economic trial and with a new generation of free thinkers and compassionate human beings coming to the plate to stand up for what is right, I urge you all to seriously consider what is at hand and at the very least inform yourselves on the issues.
I had two grandparents die from cancer in the last couple of years, and I know in my heart of hearts that marijuana would have given them a better quality of life for their remaining days. Instead they were given the old standard...morphine.
For anyone who has never been subjected to morphine or opiate therapy, it does help with pain, but it is also agony when it begins to wear off. The associated sickness from withdrawal symptoms is nightmarish to say the least. I know from experience that marijuana could have been a viable option for both of them to manage their pain and not subject them to opiate pain management, which by the way is becoming an epidemic in this country.
The powers that be have programmed this country to put their faith in pharmacology and opiates...
No thank you, I'll choose nature over poison any day.
I would be greatly interested at any comment or feedback on this blog.
After getting the news in the wee hours of this morning that Steelers WR and Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes had been traded to the New York Jets for a fifth round draft pick I was stunned, not just at the fact that he had been dealt for such a low pick but that the undertones of marijuana prohibition in this country ring out loud and true...Even in the NFL.
Here is a man who has worked hard his entire life to get where he is and simply because he chooses to speak out and stand up for what he believes in (marijuana use) he is persecuted by not only the NFL, but the team who he helped deliver an unprecedented sixth Super Bowl to.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Steelers and I love the Rooneys and the City of Pittsburgh, and I know the Rooneys have no tolerance for players who violate league policy or the laws of our country. I remember a young man by the name of Bam Morris who was a RB for the Steelers in the 90's and during the off-season, he was caught with 40 lbs of marijuana and subsequently arrested and ultimately cut by the team. What I didn't understand then that he was merely made an example of by the NFL and it's founding fathers. His dreams were torn away from him simply because he had chosen a path in life.They did not judge him on his abilities or talents, just on the fact that he was another victim of the "War on Drugs" which is now being seen for the failure that it is.
I understand we are all responsible for the choices we make in life and have to deal with the consequences that result from our choices. Illegal or not, medicinal or not...I will always be an advocate for the end of marijuana prohibition in this country and I will always speak out loudly and clearly when discussing that topic.
(Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of concerned individuals)
Today I would like to tell you about a working man. A man with a family, wife and child, who is out here in our great nation doing the best he can to make ends meet each day despite the troubles our economy faces. A story of a man who I have been proud to call friend for most of my life...
Let me start out by telling you a little about "Bill." He works for the county where he lives and he has lived in that county for most all of his life. He abides by the laws and doesn't get in trouble or cause problems for anyone. He is dedicated to his family and friends and you couldn't ask for anyone better to have your back in the time of need.
One day near the beginning of March "Bill" stopped in the local branch office of his bank and wanted to make a withdrawal from his joint savings account that he holds with his wife. To his horror he is told by the teller that his JOINT savings account has a ZERO balance, down from $2,300.00 the last he checked a few days ago.
Now most of you probably took the natural turn in the story, assuming that his wife had cleaned him out, those are the times we live in...
But here's where it gets interesting...
He is then told by an officer of the bank that a finance company has filed an account garnishment against him and that they were given the money out of his savings account by the bank. This finance company had bought the debt that he had accrued many years ago with a jeweler and emptied his savings account to collect on the debt.
"The Bank" is apparently the only bank in the state that allows for the garnishment of savings accounts, held jointly with his wife I might add, by judgment, something "Bill" was not made aware of before or after the money was removed from his account.
After being violated in this manner "Bill" contacted his attorney and confided in his family, who in turn sided with" Bill", of course. "Bill" then went back to the bank with and to their surprise, Bill's Granny, whom had worked for the very same bank for thirty years....imagine that.
She found out how the bank that she trusted and labored for so many years had taken away lifeblood from her brood. She swooshed her money out of that bank and when she asked to withdrawal, they asked her..."Are you sure you want all your money"? That my friends is when you know you are wealthy...when family and money and morals all meet in the middle and family and morals kick the shit out of money...
Pretty good story huh?
I should develop it into a screenplay or something huh?
Too bad it is based on a true story...
It happened to my very best friend just like I told it,
I just spent the equivalent of a weekend with one of the brightest 24 year olds on the planet. You might wonder why I profess such a bold and certain statement, and I can tell you why, he is willing to endure and cope with the pain and stress related to thinking for himself and for the betterment of humans, our species, not just head to the grindstone in the shallowness that is America.
He believes in people my age, which instantly shows his intelligence, and takes a concept of someone else's and is willing to make his voice heard AND add his spin on the whole damn thing. He pulls no punches and tells things like he sees them. He has earned my respect with merely expression of his thoughts and the picking of his mind.
He gave me hope that I can succeed and that is a rare in beautiful thing to find in life...
He made Whitney's words ring true...The children are our future, lest we never forget that...
I'd like to talk a little bit about Pennsylvania House Bill 1393 sponsored by Rep. Mark Cohen and others.
I just finished reading the bill in its entirety and have been studying the history of the bill since its introduction to the House. I am glad that legislation has reached the state level that calls for the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. I also want to state that I am an intelligent educated man who is a history student and also understands that to error is human, and as I have erred and learned from my mistakes, I hope our great Commonwealth will realize the time for change has come and learn from its mistakes both economic and moral.
This is not only the right thing to do, but with the proper education provided in harm reduction to our youth, it can be a huge benefit to the economy of our state and our people.
In response to Sharon Smith of Mechanicsburg, PA who testified in the bill hearing, I do wish to express my condolences or your tragedy, however I abhor the thought that you would connect solely marijuana use to what happened to your children. I ask you, what other drugs were your children medicating themselves with? I medicated myself with alcohol for 10 years in substitution of marijuana and it was the most horrible addiction I have ever beaten, yet it is legal to be consumed by all. What is the profound medical benefit of bourbon? I know it kills pain too...
People find help in all sorts of things...there are questions to ask when determining abuse to legality and to what can be beneficial if regulated properly.
Oxycontin and prescription medicine are abused,animals are abused, food itself is abused. Don't confuse your belief legality and misuse with common sense.
Let the people speak and the state prosper from their word...
When asked to respond to the recent advocacy push for medical marijuana, Helen Moss of South Dakota stated... "The medical marijuana just really relaxes their muscle spasms and makes their life a little bit more, it gives them quality of life as opposed to being drugged up and comatose." Again...Nature kicks Mankind's ass...repost if you agree.
I was sitting in my recliner tonight with my girlfriend and another friend of mine, both of which were females and are both aware of my twisted sense of humor.
I leaned my leg up to unleash a heinous and direct gaseous attack upon them and suddenly felt like my old arch nemesis "The Shart" had crept up behind me again, but I wasn't certain at this point.
I laughed about the fart and announced I had sharted myself in the process, to which both females broke out into laughter and asked of my sincerity...I sprang to my feet with cat like quickness and ran quickly out of the room with my hand held tightly to my ass.
I heard them laughing and asking each other if they thought I really did shart myself.
They had no idea of just how deeply I can take a joke however...
I noticed a blue cleaning bucket sitting beside the bathtub and the thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I grinned like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland...
I came running back into the living room seconds later wearing only sweat shorts around my ankles and the bucket over my ass (genitals tucked away for safe keeping as well) laughing maniacally all the while.
I admit I did shit in the bucket a little bit just for the stink factor to sell the wonderful practical joke I had just pulled off but I am known to go "all or nothing" when I go, if you know what I mean.
I need everyone's opinion on if this was an acceptable practical joke to people that know me...one of whom has seen me naked... as a comedian I am asking where the line is drawn that I am not supposed to cross because while my friend was laughing hysterically, my girlfriend was not amused at all and we actually argued quite a bit out of it to the point I apologized for offending her.
My only true regret was that the camera wasn't rolling so I had it on tape...
Please take some time to dwell on this as a whole...think of the movies you have seen, and the comedy you have witnessed, and those of you that really, really know me, none of this should have shocked you...If it did, we need a better relationship...lol.
P.S. Keep watching: youtube.com/jeremyfink for more video, some funny, some serious...your usual mixed bag with me.
All Rights Reserved "Jeremy Fink...Unfiltered" Inc. Copyright 2010
This is the most serious risk to our nations health since the 1918 flu epidemic. Gonorrhea Lectim is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior..And pronounced "gonna re-elect 'em." Many victims contracted it in 2008, after having been screwed for the past two years. It is easily cured....by voting out all incumbents!(Thanks Shannon)
Starting with today's blog I am going to write a little bit of a tribute to my family members who are so very dear to me. Each day I will focus on one member of my family and point out why they are not only so special to me, but a value to the world we live in today.
Today I am going to write a little bit about my sister, Alicia Stinson (Fink).
Alicia is a truly wonderful woman. She is a registered nurse who works with terminally ill patients at a hospital in Louisville KY. She is a two time graduate of the University of Louisville with a Bachelors degree in Business Administration being her first and her nursing degree being her second. She is a remarkably intelligent and passionate woman and gives all of her heart and soul to each and every challenge she encounters in life. She is married to a wonderful man who I am proud to call my Brother in Law, Blake Stinson. I will not go into detail on him because his time will come as well...
She is very opinionated but highly educated as well, which gives her reason to be of her opinions. She has excellent decision making skills and is not afraid to stand up for what is right based on her beliefs.
She is of strong family values and Christian morals, and that is a direct result of our upbringing in a strong Christian family. She is also blessed with exterior beauty to compliment that which lies within her heart of gold. She is humble and values the opinions of others and that is truly a rare quality in today's society.
My sister is one of the great people in our world today and if you ever have the pleasure to meet her in your life's journey, engage her in conversation, if for only a moment, and you will see for yourself that all I have written about her today is not at all biased by my deep love for her.
I want to talk about the atrocious salaries that NFL players make today and all the changes that the league makes each year to promote player safety.
First let me start with an example of appropriate salary for a specific "dangerous" job
The fisherman who go out each season in Alaska's Bering Strait and fish for crab and other sea life are among the highest paid in their field. Captains can bring home up to $150,000 per season while deckhands can earn up to $80,000 per season. This salary is appropriate because of the high amount of risk involved with crab fishing in this area. Crab fisherman face a 141.7 per 100,000 fatality rate, the highest among all occupations. That is 75 percent higher than pilots, flight engineers, and loggers; the next highest jobs on the list. Bering Strait fishermen face a 90 percent higher fatality rate than the average American employee.
They deserve the high salary that they receive because they go out and work, basically unprotected, in the harsh cold of winter, in Alaska, on fishing boats and brave the elements and Mother Nature, putting their lives and livelihood in jeopardy every time they do their jobs. This in my opinion is a wage that is well earned.
They get "Hazard Pay"
Now, moving on to NFL players...
These men who are athletes and spend pretty much their whole lives preparing and training to play a game for a living must be aware that it is a dangerous job going in. There is the risk for injury, possibly life changing injury such as paralysis and there is even the possibility of death in the proper circumstance.
They are paid millions of dollars a year to entertain us and play a game, which I have no problem with. I am an avid football fan and I have no problem with men putting their bodies at risk for money and fame.
What I do have a problem with is the NFL changing the game so much over the last 20 years that it is almost to the point of two-hand touch.
I have a problem with players like Tom Brady pleading to referees for penalty flags on what used to be legitimate hits.
As an NFL player you must know going into your career that the average length of time you will play is 3 years and that the average yearly salary is roughly $770,000 (almost 16 times that of the average yearly U.S. income) and what that equates to is: in 3 years you will make 2.3 million dollars while the average American will not make that in a lifetime.
That is the definition of "Hazard Pay" my friends...reaping monetary benefit for putting your body or life in harm's way.
So when a WR is going across the middle of the field and my FS comes across on the blind side and makes contact helmet to helmet and knocks said WR the fuckout...don't boo him for doing his job. Don't boo me for getting excited at the fact that a great bone-crushing hit was made. Don't say it was "dirty" just because it was a jarring hit and he may have made helmet to helmet contact. They are just doing what they get paid to do...playing a violent game.
None of these men, well, most of these men are not out there trying to kill anyone or ruin anyone's life. They are gladiators on the field of battle and most treat that with the respect and honor it deserves.
If the NFL really wants to make the majority of fans happy, stop making the greatest game in the world for sissy boys and pussies and let these athletes go out and do what they get paid so much money to do...entertain me and "Just Win Baby" at any cost.
Let them earn their "Hazard Pay"...
And if they don't want to do that, in the words of the great Jack Lambert, "Put a skirt on 'em".
I have recently completely boycotted Wal-Mart and I am passing along my experiences there in hopes that this country will follow suit and put this greedy corporation who is famous for poor customer service and failure to address consumer complaints out of business...for good.
I remember when Wal-Mart began to spring up all over the United States in the 80's. They didn't start out as much. They were just another nationwide department store that had good selection and good prices. They were customer oriented at that point and prospered because of that quality along with their product selection and quality.
As time went on they grew rapidly and moved into the grocery store business as well. They added other such convenience features to their "Supercenters" such as banking, hair salons, tire and lube service, and even franchise restaurants INSIDE so that you could grab a bite to eat while you shopped. They flourished while cornering the market on convenience. (I am still waiting for Wal-Dentists and Wal-Therapy to start springing up inside)
After many years of not being able to go inside and piss without losing an hour, the final straw came a few days ago when my fiancée and I found that we had been misinformed by an associate about their selection of air mattresses. (Surprise, surprise!)
We were told that the only ones they carried were located in sporting goods and we purchased one for approx. $60.00 along with a manual air pump (now, if anyone is on an exercise regimen, drop it and blow up a queen size mattress with a dual- action manual air pump...one hell of a work out I can tell you.)
A few weeks later when we went in for sundries we discovered a much nicer air mattress in the domestics section and it plugged into the wall for inflation. We came home, boxed up the other air mattress and pump, found the receipt and headed back to town to exchange it for the electric model.
We reached the customer service desk (whose name is a far reach of the imagination) and approached the clerk and explained the situation. We told her we didn't want a refund or anything like that, just an exchange due to the fact of a misunderstanding. Well, her "Customer Service" manager( who could've been no older than 18) came storming over and declared that they had a 15 day return policy on air mattresses and that we couldn't exchange the one we had. I proceeded to tell her that my receipt didn't state that nor was I informed of that policy and also saw it nowhere on the HUGE return policy billboard behind the desk where she was standing. She tried to then tell me that it was inside the box of the mattress that I purchased and that all Coleman brand air mattresses had the policy inside the box. Well, here was problem number two which I proceeded to explain to her: I didn't purchase a Coleman brand mattress, I purchased an Ozark Trail mattress and there was no FUCKING return policy anywhere to be found!
I was beginning to get irate at this point and I asked the adolescent manager how I was supposed to know about the new air mattress return policy if I wasn't informed and it wasn't on my receipt or posted anywhere in their store...she then shrugged her shoulders at me...and I said...NO! Go get your store manager NOW!
She stormed off and mumbled that she "guaranteed" I would not be getting a refund or exchange for my mattress.
As I stood there I made several rude and very loud comments about what piss poor service Wal-Mart gives to their customers and that apparently we now had to figure out return policies via mental fucking telepathy. Maybe I will have time to do that while I wait for forty-five minutes in one of the three open checkout lines of fifty that are installed in all these stores.
I then stated loudly to my fiancée that if they did not return this fucking air mattress, I was going to blow up the mattress and sit outside on it and tell everyone that ventured inside to head straight for health and beauty and grab the Vaseline and prepare for the fucking that they would eventually get from Wal-Mart...I know, I am not the most subtle of people on the planet, but I usually get my point across.
5 minutes later the phone on the desk rang and another clerk besides the one that was "helping" us picked up the phone, she then walked over to our associate and tried to whisper to her, so as not to be heard..."refund the money and get him out of here per Scott"(The store manager who I was "guaranteed" would not be refunding my money or exchanging my item by the 18 year old telepathically psychic manager.)
When the associate got finished ringing the receipt in, she asked me if I still wanted to exchange our mattress for the other one we had found, I chuckled and told her not if you gave it to me for free.
That was my final trip to Wal-Mart...
I hope this story will inspire at least a few of you to value the "Mom & Pop" stores in your community and buy local.
Fuck Sam Walton and his billion dollar convenience store full of disgruntled employees and disrespect for the consumer, we are the people who made you rich asshole. (and yes, I know he's dead.)
I hope everyone had a safe and Happy Holiday season but now it is time to get back to business and do some writing...
Today I am going to bring to your attention something that has been going on in the NFL for quite some time now. Teams who have clinched playoff berths benching starting players, regardless of injury, just too basically "rest" them for their upcoming run in the playoffs. I want to voice an opinion and I know not everyone will agree with me but here it goes anyway...
What these teams and coaches are doing by sitting their starters is essentially compromising the integrity of the game. It basically boils down to throwing games which is strictly prohibited in the NFL bylaws and rules.
Roger Goodell was seen on CBS today during the broadcast of the Steelers/Dolphins matchup and talked to Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf about some options the league is looking into that would provide "incentives" to teams that choose to play their starters for the duration of the 16 game season.
That, in and of itself, shows me that the NFL considers this action of benching starters to be wrong. I go a step further and say that it should be put into the rule book that if a starting player who is not listed on the injury report is purposely benched for no good reason, then the team should be fined and the player and coach suspended for the first game of the playoffs.
There are some things where integrity and honor still need to be held in the highest regard and the NFL is one of those places. Imagine the disappointment of a fan that may have saved an entire year to see his home team play only to have the stars benched to "rest" them for the upcoming playoff run. The NFL is made successful by fans and I know if I were to save (which I would have to do) to see my team play, and finally go only to watch backups and third stringers play, I would be quite peeved.